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35: Self-knowledge

admissionToday, we’re talking about self-knowledge.

Specifically, do you know your price of admission?

Show notes and links:
American Savage: insights, slights, and fights on faith, sex, love, and politics (WorldCat)


Full episode text

If you’re a fan of the Savage Love podcast, this is a phrase you are very familiar with. If you’re not, then the basic primer is that a “price of admission” is a two sided consideration.

First, your price of admission is the things about yourself that you aren’t willing to compromise on for a relationship. The things that, without question, you will require be a part of that relationship — or more specifically, any relationship with YOU.

Second, knowing what kinds of prices you’re willing to pay is as big — if not a bigger — part of knowing what you can and can’t be happy with in a relationship.

Quoting from Dan Savage, “There is no settling down without some settling for. There is no long-term relationship without not just putting up with your partner’s flaws, but accepting them and then pretending they aren’t there. And we like to call it, in my house, ‘paying the price of admission.’ …

And you can’t have a long-term relationship with someone unless you’re willing to identify the things, you know, the prices of admission you’re willing to pay, and the ones you’re not. But the ones you’re not, the list of things you’re not willing to put up with, you really have to be able to count it on one hand. And it can’t be superficial bullshit like chews with their mouth open.”

Of course, what you think your price of admission might be could change entirely if it’s something that you didn’t even think would be a problem until it really grates on your potential partner or partners’ nerves.